"What is love?"

I know, I know, it sounded too funny for me to talk about this.
But it finally came to my senses.
Before this, I pretended to become an ignorant.
People had crush(es), I had too.
Well, I was young back then (not that I'm old now).
I did feel the crush feelings,
like the butterflies in my gut thingy.
And some times later, as I know some friends with good resolutions,
I felt like the crush thingy is somehow a waste of time.
Then I indulged myself in imagination world
Time flies, I really did feel nothing anymore.
Now, I got involved with more people who talk about love so much,
and, yeah, this is how it becomes a question to me.

Love.
What is love, actually?
Feeling?
How do you confirm that it's love?
Like, if the feeling happy,
you know you're happy when you smile,
when you feel good inside your heart.
Or, sad.
You know you're sad when you cry,
when you feel something wrong inside your heart.
And love?
What do you feel?

THEORY 1
When I asked around,
and also before I questioned myself about this,
people always relate love with love your parents, God, His Prophet...
Yes, of course.
But parents are the people who gave birth to you, raised you,
of course you love them,
you have to.

Also,
what if there are people who doesnt love their parents that much?

And God?
Like, obviously!
He who creates us, gives us sustains and such.
It is He who makes our life as easy as right now.
What're you expecting?
Of course our love goes to Him.
And it's similar to the love for Prophet.
Parents, God, His Prophet
are... the ones(?) that affect our life.
They are the spotlight of our life.
There are no other then them.

And love for your friends?
You see the "-s"?
It means plural.
Means that whoever you can call friends deserve your love.
And it's plural.

So what I'm trying to say here is,
love to the opposite gender.
And when I say opposite gender,
it means the significant other.
You cant give your love to significant other-s.
I mean, maybe you can but let's just leave that as it is.
It's like, you have to choose one.

And there.
How do you choose one?
Like, some people may say falling in love.

And there.
How do you fall in love?
Face? Style?
Like, duh, of course *rolling eyes*
And if that philosophy really is happening, then the uglies are left alone until they rot.

How they talk? How they become the center of attention?
Then the silences will also rottenly left alone.

THEORY 2
They said when you tend to forgive that person, that is love.
So, like, are you saying love makes a person... weak?
No, I mean, I know being a forgiving person makes you strong.
But doesnt it like,
when you tend to always forgive, then the other person will never change.
And then it can also be said that love does not change people,
does not make a person learns a lesson.

And about forgiving.
Give up can be considered as forgiveness, am I right?
But what if I say,
give up can be meant you stop hoping?
Then is that love?
You argue, and the other person doesnt want to admit defeat,
so you just give up,
because you feel like it's hopeless.
Well, I dont think that is love, though.

***
Okay, anyway!
It seems not all people can understand me,
because it is me who does not understand.
I questioned a friend after she explained,
and she gave up because she didnt know what to answer.

So yeah,
let's just leave it to the fate of Allah,
and when the time comes,
maybe I can find the answer.

Confession?

How long did you think I was fighting this?
Trying hard to believe what they say; I'm bright
Trying hard to persuade into thinking myself as one.
Maybe I was, I don't know.
And because of that, I live my life happy-go-lucky at my early teenage years.

Though however I started to wonder myself during the second half of my teenage years.
Though however, I still was trying to confide myself as one,
until I found more bright people, and also the genius ones.
Though however, that was when I was in my final year.
It was too late.
And I gave up.

And there goes my result.

And there goes how I realized my stupidity.
I'm not sure if I really am,
however people around me make me think like that.
I was kept 'inside' for that,
I was told to lie,
I was told to be quiet,
I was told that I was a failure.

Do you know how much I was fighting my own self, other than from people around me?

Being rejected is like being stupid.
Being a second batch is like being stupid.
Being accepted from asking help is like being stupid.

I live myself in horror during my first sem,
really.
I was really, truly glad having new friends there, however.
This is true,
there is nothing more important in my memory during those days other than having them as my friends.

I got excited when it was time to change course.
It was like one of the events in my life when I wanted to do something without think of other people.
I did it myself,
although there was a friend who wanted to leave to,
and because of her, here I am.

I'm currently living happily,
alhamdulillah.
It's true, there are no courses that easy, every course has its own challenges.
But I can hardly see any difficulties to be compared to those horror days.

Well I do actually have more things to talk about
but I dont know how can this post becomes a confession post.
And the mood has already over because of the appearance of a friend from that time.
So let's talk about it again later when the time comes.
Sayonara