Confession?

How long did you think I was fighting this?
Trying hard to believe what they say; I'm bright
Trying hard to persuade into thinking myself as one.
Maybe I was, I don't know.
And because of that, I live my life happy-go-lucky at my early teenage years.

Though however I started to wonder myself during the second half of my teenage years.
Though however, I still was trying to confide myself as one,
until I found more bright people, and also the genius ones.
Though however, that was when I was in my final year.
It was too late.
And I gave up.

And there goes my result.

And there goes how I realized my stupidity.
I'm not sure if I really am,
however people around me make me think like that.
I was kept 'inside' for that,
I was told to lie,
I was told to be quiet,
I was told that I was a failure.

Do you know how much I was fighting my own self, other than from people around me?

Being rejected is like being stupid.
Being a second batch is like being stupid.
Being accepted from asking help is like being stupid.

I live myself in horror during my first sem,
really.
I was really, truly glad having new friends there, however.
This is true,
there is nothing more important in my memory during those days other than having them as my friends.

I got excited when it was time to change course.
It was like one of the events in my life when I wanted to do something without think of other people.
I did it myself,
although there was a friend who wanted to leave to,
and because of her, here I am.

I'm currently living happily,
alhamdulillah.
It's true, there are no courses that easy, every course has its own challenges.
But I can hardly see any difficulties to be compared to those horror days.

Well I do actually have more things to talk about
but I dont know how can this post becomes a confession post.
And the mood has already over because of the appearance of a friend from that time.
So let's talk about it again later when the time comes.
Sayonara