Petty

Been reading about how one can be so paranoid towards relationships.
Seclusion,
afraid of being rejected,
afraid of being left alone,
creating walls.
I know I have it.
But I keep forgetting the experiences.
When did I get secluded?
When was I rejected?
Were those really happened?
Was it just me being over-sensitive?

Suddenly it came.
"Yes, this."
When you think about them a lot,
but you're just one of many to them.
You consider your time with them is precious,
they just bailed out on you without further notice.
Not to mention fake promises.

This petty matter to them but important to you,
how hurtful it is.

There was this talk

About how we handle our future plans.
One said they've been achieving their dreams according to their plans.
One said they shouldn't say their plans out loud to achieve them.
While me, I dont really have future plans nor dream.
And it got me thinking.

It had been a dream of mine to own a spacious room,
until I was chased out,
until I realized the feeling of not belong to it.

It was a dream of mine to have a room arranged the way I want,
but it was shattered.

It was arranged that I would go to the medical route for the reason of a kid's word.
I'm not gonna lie I did think about it,
except no one's ever told me what I should be doing.
It was neglected, I rebel against it.
Well, it's fine, I guess?

I tried arranging leaving this cage.
It was only 60% serious,
but I got "Why did you find somewhere so far?"
and I got laugh at.

They keep on saying,
"you decide on it",
but when I say what I want,
it got cut off for whatever lame reasons.

Now, when the steps are getting closer to the threshold,
I'm getting anxiety,
I'm getting lost.

I got out,
looking at people walking,
kids going home,
I question my life.

I'm confused.
Who was it.
When will this end.