Tuesday 25 August 2015

Contact Lens

You would never know what it feels like,
to have people abandon you,
leave you, saying nothing,
the feeling of hearing they were saying about going out
and the door shuts
without any word from you
"we're going out".

The sound of the door shuts still hits my ears,
the following silence,
and the feeling of betrayal.

To think that we used to hang out,
even if it's just 'inside'.
I appreciated those moments, still do.
How nice of you to help me; The Anti-Social.
The "Let's go".
Now?
The door shuts.
Silence.

That's the start of everything.
Nope, there are still befores.
But that's when I thought:
"I'll try to forgive and forget them, they are my friends"
Bullshit. Too naive.
I dont think I am their friend.

******

Some things happen too.
Still remember the
"If you have any problem and need someone to talk to, say yes"
"Yes"
I do feel appreciated for being a friend.
Not too long after that, though.
Still was going to forgive her,
it's no longer now.

I had to have positive thought that she's busy,
I do.
Not until some pictures of her with
someone who used to be in my circle of friends that then blocked me,
let's consider her as not my friend, nor I am to her.
Some times later, "You may walk away if you cant accept the fact that I cant handle my time management very well"
(Though I dont think that's a good reason to give)
(I'm positive enough she wont read this, nor someone recognize her)
Yeah, you do have time for her, but not even the same quote I used.
Then the tagged people,
I have already given up on you.

******

Gotta say, too,
just when got ditched by them,
tried to find help from a possible source to bring me out,
got ditched too.
Blue ticks.
Who says family is a place you can go back to?
(I know it can apply in some occasion)
Still good enough that my mood got brought back this night, though.

*****

Some people who I dont like the responses,
though still good enough to be a place for me to get up back.
Thought "Everyone needs at least a person to rely on",
bullshit.
Just thought to rely on them,
got the answers of
"Stay strong"
"At least you werent..."
"That's normal"
and blue ticks.

******

I dont think it's a good idea to say this,
because I just hold a new principle:
One who abandons friendship for men is the worst human alive
But I did got one help, the real response
of a man.
I totally felt relieved
that it cannot be expressed more.
Well that's that for that,
I dont want it goes any longer than that.

***********************************************


If friendships built by hanging-out,
it's time for me to say goodbye.

Tuesday 4 August 2015

Goodbye.

I was too naive.
Or maybe am still.

I thought those who wear familiar would be the same.
I thought those who I considered allies would be the same.
They are not.

It's all started there.
When she ended her relationship.
She became wild, almost.
No one to control her anymore,
no one to make her feels bind anymore.
She socialized herself with more friends.

***
She found herself someone who cares for her.
She found herself someone who will take her anywhere.
She tried to keep him secret,
except that he's a transporter.

***
She thinks she can follow her close friend.
She trusts her close friend.
She thinks her close friend is an angel.

***
They hanged out.
They talked.
I never know about it.
All I knew was when she exposed,
"She got someone."
When I was "What?"
"Oh never mind."
Thanks, there I knew I missed something.

***
They went out.
Of course, with guys, the only thing I hate.

Thought she went home first, she wont join.
Of course, I was too naive.
How would I expect that much when I'm such an introvert and antisocial?

Of course, I would never know about that if I dont have Instagram.

***
She had something going on so she didn't come back.
Three became two in a day.
She didn't say anything, nothing.

She came back.
She never told from the start.

And then,
"You didnt know? She didnt tell you?"
What, even you skipped A, now you're telling me that?

They talked like they own the world.
Of course, I was a stranger.

***
"We want to go outside, wanna join?"
"Nah"
"Why?"
"If I say it you wouldnt want to hear."

So there, they go.
I'm glad she invited me, though,
the most grateful.
And I was left alone.

Despite being 19-20, they got back to dormitory at 10.

Were gonna have some time to hang out for her home-made,
so I went,
because if I dont, I dont know how much further would these wounds go.

Passed the "angel" friend with her their friend,
their hang out friend,
a girlfriend of one of the guys (I think).

Arrived.
Thank God there were other friends.

They,
sat on other table.
Spent their remaining times with the guys.
Lame.

Me,
gather with the other friends and joke around.
Talk about introverts.
That was fun.

We left once the owner started to close the place.
I was left in the dark for a certain someone told me to take my things myself.
She didnt look back.
God, how great my friend is.

They went to other side,
despite being some people who share with me the same place to sleep,
didnt tell me anything.
Maybe they forgot to.
Just joking.

***
Chuckles, chuckles.

I thought I should mix in,
after all the injuries.
Damn wrong.

I was just asking about the money for the things I ordered.
The one I wasnt talking to:
Dont even look at me,
despite being one of my friends.

And I tried again.
Well, just to make sure I didnt miss anything about school.
"What are you doing?"
That one,
- you see, I can read, okay -
seems uncomfortable to answer.
Well, the other one laughed, awkwardly, duh.
"Something."

I was really too much of a naive.
They were settling their -whatever thing is- with the guys.

Chuckles, chuckles.

***
to be continued.