Friday 8 January 2021

また夢かい

It came again wwwww

It was almost the similar situation with the real (that failed lmao)
Was an acquaintance of a friend,
the friend introduced us,
the difference is that the person is interested,
unlike that guy in the real situation.

And it was on the e day,
And the fact that I know I have the responsibility for the day (ofc),
And my parents trusted me on things,
And I was contacting the person,
And we had to go somewhere,
And I get prepared and wait,
well the rest was trivial,
but the important thing is the emotions.

Tummy-tingling w

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I just noticed I didn't talk about the one before.
The emotion might have faded away,
But the situation was almost similar.
It was the day of introducing.
I didnt exactly know who the partner was,
but in there I have the feeling that I know.
Almost like isekai thingy.

I was in the car with father,
talking about it.
Pretended that I know, I tried making conversation to find out what was happening.
So it was really mine.

When we arrived (actually nearby food stall lmao),
I got the call that he's almost there.
And he arrived.
I still pretended like I know what's happening.
As the conversation smoothly flowed,
I got the name.
Was a nickname though lmao how rude

But was a good guy who knows how to talk & how to present himself & how to treat the elder

Friday 1 January 2021

aaaaaaaaagh

"I say I'll support, but my toxicity says it only works mutually"
while I was reconsidering my toxicity, jealousy and envy towards just anyone,
trying to lessen my toxicity,
they really did it, huh?
The one thing that I really hate people do to me;
the people who call ourselves, even include me, as "us",
do things themselves without ME knowing.
i dont know, right now i really cant rarionalize,
if this is normal or abnormal or I'm being annoying,
but it's just one of my complex since forever.
If you're going to do things by yourselves, then dont include me.
Im fine being alone. Im fine having JUST friends.
I hate being in a so-called group, end up being left out,
not even bother to let me know.

How many times has it been?
I'm tired.
I'm tired trying to figure out why.
I'm tired blaming myself.
Why does it feel like anyone else had it good?
Why does it look like everyone has at least someone they can rely to?
Is it really my fault?
Do I have personality problem?