triple I.C.E

(Sorry, the title is the mission of the place I'm studying at)

There was this time when our uncle and his family came to our house to fix our dad's laptop
(though I think all the time they were talking non-stop).

I still hate and hurt.

That brat, I dont know what was her problem (seriously I thought I was going to kill her),
went missing once they came.
Her reason?
She still hasnt bath.
And whenever I checked on her, she still hasnt bath and whatever she was doing on her bed (actually playing her phone. I seriously wish*ing* someone to take it).
And until our guests went back, she still hasnt.
Then asked, "Did they went home?"
"Why do you even care when you never even think to see nor greet them?"

Of course, I was the only one doing all the things (sometimes mom came).
I really was in my bad mood the whole time,
I was so sorry to our aunt.

And one more?
She didnt even know the guests have arrived.
What did she do?
Sleeping (not) beauty.

So I (was told to) make them drinks.
And was told to make them cold.
So I used the ice cubes.

The ice cubes were conquered by her (because she was the only one frequently uses them).
So somehow or not, she is in-charge to refill it.
And then when the guests went back home, of course, she didnt even see them,
"Who the hell took the ice cubes and didnt refill them back?!"
I was seriously mad.
"Who asked you to sleep all day long and never think to see the guests?" (of course I'm a calm person)
"Well, what ever because anyone who takes them should refill them"
"Well what ever because you didnt know what happened because you were sleeping."
And of course, I'm not a person who likes to argue, unlike her
so whatever she was saying,
yeah,
what ever >_>

I'm mad.
and I'm hurt,
even though it is a story from (not long but) long time ago,
that no one even remember anymore.
But never mind, I'm too used to be forgotten.

What's with the people around me?
Acting so uncivilized.

CAUTION: New Labels

It might be my lifetime scar.
The result.

I dont really care about it.
Yeah, again, it's not really bad, I think,
because I expected it would be worse.

Then, ...
my brother contacted me,
asking was I okay.
Somehow I did irritate.
He doesnt even care how was I while walking 10m far in front,
never even care what I do,
and why are you asking now?
When I DONT EVEN FEELING NOT OKAY

So then he asked what would I want to continue.
I answered him, the 'thing' that was in my mind ever since my 14th.
What did he said then?
Something like "I dont think it's good for you."
And then he (+ other he) said to my parents "Most of THE people arent good. She could be like them."
Again, why do you even care??

And then,
she got involved.
Well, she is since a year before the result.
"That's not one course people want."
"You wouldnt go far with that."
"In our country it isnt good."
She was so happy that I got Science,
but not Nursing.
She persuaded me to change (even though I never planned to stay in Science).
And I changed.

Same thing happened.

Then again,
he (not the brother(s) )...
I dont remember having any situation,
but
*SORRY FOR HAVING THE TALENT TO READ PEOPLE*
I know he was just the same,
insincere whenever we talked about 'it'.

And there are others too.

I had my 4-years dream crushed.
I fed up having a dream no one ever approve.
I am emotionless whenever 'it' is mentioned in this topic.
Yeah, it is.
The Pagoh.
"Why dont you change to 'it' "
&%$#@&@$#%&$%@&#&

And there's this freaking grumpy kid.

"So somehow or not you had to and still have to accept that 

you have a friend who live the way her parents told to."

why did I do that:

I did think to just go myself,
it's not like I'm a coward (well, maybe yeah)
but I think I can picture what is gonna happen if I go,
based on experience.

So I did ditched him.
It's just a simple matter
but the consequence might not be simple,
but if I did the opposite,
which is pretend it didnt happened,
because it is him we're talking about,
he might thinks I'm on his side.
I'm not really on her side, (might be just on MY side),
but she knew because she was there, and he wasnt.
Btw, I do mad because he ditched me first
(and it was after several people ditched me so many times in some days ago).

No real explanation.
I'm not going to have any sides,
I know both sides are the same.
I'm on my own side.

Furthermore, since I'm inherited by you,
so I.... -
I'm not sure this is the right thing to say,
but, at least, right this time,
- .... hate you.

#2 Theory

Even though you've told them once about your relationships before (friends, whatsoever), how did they happened,
they did the same like the people before.

Means:
1) they never care to have the relationship with you.
2) never pay attention.

Memories

Let's flash back every upsetting memories.
Let's be straight forward, no one's reading anyway.

HH
1)
H: "do you read Zint's?"
me: "You read too?" *excited* "Which do you read?"
H: "I read blah blah blah..."
me: "Ohhh I read that too! Did you read USER?"
H: "Which one?"
me: "that blah blah blah..."
H: "Oh I didnt"
me: "oh I can bring them if you want"

What a wrong step.
My fault to bring them, especially the timing.
She didnt completely read them.
How disappointing.

2)
N: "H said she want to join us"
me: "well I dont really care but I warn you, you might not be able to catch us"
****
Since all of us have our characters, I thought I shudnt left her,
me: "H, blah blah Myou blah, do you wanna join?"
blah blah blah
H: "so my name is HH? yay~"

False.
She didnt even remember her own name.

3)
me: "How do you want your character be like?"
H: "like this, like that..."
Months later, ...
me: "I think I wanna change our characters a bit. H, do you like it to be orange?"
H: "I'm all good"

I dont think she even remember what the character looked like before.

HN
1)
me: "I was thinking to make us boys"
me: "N (character) will be a playboy + pervert (lol)"
****
T: "N (character) is a pervert afterall~"
***
N: "I'm N (character) afterall~"

I was feeling good, that time.
She never mentioned anything until now, right this time.

2)
There are many things randomly issued by her, half-heartedly.
No, I think quarter.

UN
1)
N forgot her own character name.
She did forgot other characters, but oh well, why do I have to expect fans?

But she caught up on most things.

TY
1)
Y: "Y (character) is cool~"

2)
Other things are okay, I guess,
because we had many things in common.
Except I dont really have much responds about mine,
mostly about hers.
But, again, oh well, why do I have to expect fans?

ST
1)
She didnt remember her own pair,
always confused between pair, her own character and gender-bent one.
But oh well, why do I have to expect fans?

2)
Speak of half-hearted.
Unless is mentioned, you will never heard from her.

SH
1)
If to be compared with others,
might be the best.
Always gave me ideas of hers so sudden.
She's my senpai/sensei afterall, what'd you expect?

Except
2)
She has her schedule.
I cant blame her.

FF
1)
Never had shown interest to any of my art.
Dont know if she kept inside
but nope, not for Myou.
She's just a copycat afterall.

NS
1)
Faker.
Liar.
Saying things like she likes too (or at least interested to),
asking "What else do you have?"
Next thing you know,
she didnt even remember I had ever recommend her.

2)
Over-react.
Knows, like, two or three,
and talking like she knows everything.
I dont actually mind if you just say you dont know.

3)
Yeah, liar.
Saying interested to,
when I started talking, like, Kanou,
until now never remembered.

NS oops same initials
1)
Speak of half-hearted, too.
S: "Eh~ You did this? Do me too~"

Never asked again.

2)
Tried to join me,
but you cant force yourself into things you cant take.
I can see your insincerity.
I never forced you to join, btw.

n-s why are they having same initials
1)
Also tried to join,
but just couldnt catch up.
Simply gave up but dont worry, I didnt mind.
At least you tried,
tried to give up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's not like I blame them.
No, that's a lie.
I do.
I dont mind being alone.
It is a thing that uncommon, so I dont mind.
I just hate half-hearted, insincere.
You dont like, just say it.
You dont have to pretend.
I dont need that.
But dont also give me weird look.
What, you think we arent human because we like uncommon things?

Anyway,
now that I've take it out,
I am officially not trusting anyone anymore.

The path I walk is always empty after all.

#1 Theory

Guess I'll start writing my theories based on the collections of my results on stalking people's behavior.

************************************************

People who never talk about their...
- friends
- family
- any ones in their social life

... they never care about it (above).

It's not like they dont have.
In fact, people who dont have are the ones who talk about it (above).