hello there

I was scared.
Scared.
Scared?
What is scared?
I guess scared, like more to insecure?

People say that girls are loyal,
mostly in context of love, though.
But what I learnt from experience is that they are not in the context of friendship.
They'll put every effort, if not for love, other things (ie studies, works, etc)

Unconsciously, I turned myself from being a person who likes to be with her friends,
to someone who has zero trust on them.
I really did think that I should be with them,
I know the suffer when I was all by myself,
but they don't have that thinking,
thus, forgot about me.
Especially after I was conscious of my lack of presence,
thank you very much, friends.

"When you're walking to adulthood, friends are just friends. Everyone will go to their own path."
I hate that,
I hate the fact.
I hate the fact that I cannot deny it.
And what would happen if some of them are late bloomers?
It maybe not like "they should learn to be independent themselves",
but, you know, late bloomers?
They just.... late bloomers.
Whatever. This thing can be debatable more.

Anyway, he asked me just now,
"Have you promised to any of your friends to be in same room?"
I feel like...
"I dont have friends."
"Why's that? You didnt ask anyone?"
"They promised by themselves."
"You got 4 people to fill."
"They've got enough."
"Why didnt you ask first?"
"They've already made before I even asked."
"Why didnt you ask?"
Ugh this is frustrating.

Thus my healed wound opened again and my memory came back.
Where did I do wrong?
Nothing.
Maybe I did nothing that it is wrong.
I dont know. I'm not ESPer.
I dont know what they think of me when I become someone who likes to tag along.
I dont know what they think of me when I become someone who refuses to invitations.
I dont know.

Even now, they rarely respond to me.
Even when I said I'm lonely, no one to talk to,
they didnt respond me.
Maybe I really get rejected because of my clinginess.
I dont know.
I give up.

Assobru minal Iman.

Here's what I think.

This thing is not something brings pleasure,
but feud.
Everything will go wrong if you cannot be patient.
It is all about patient.

I know all this.
I'm the only one who's here.
Plus I like to observe people's habit patterns.

The Person A:
- They are someone who cannot, seriously, cannot keep quiet.
Even if it's not the secret they were telling,
it will be something almost like that.
Like, if they suddenly propose on some issue,
it will be something, either what they were thinking or is happening.
- And they also someone who will not give in, never,
even if they have not much vocabulary on some words,
they will use something unrelated,
just to commence a war.
- They are also a person who thinks with their emotion.
If they're angry at the moment, everyone who opposes them is their enemy.
Though I cant really be sure of the future, I know what it is, but I'm scared -_-"

The Person B:
- They are stubborn. What they decide is something that they will stick until the end.
Usually is reasonable, though is extreme.
How do I deal with this?
I give up. And that's what built me until now. Someone who doesnt put hopes. Someone who doesnt put efforts.
Though sometimes it helps them believe in me lol

So when these two persons, who know each other for long, came across,
a war begins.
One-sided though.
And who's the victim?
Me.
Why?
Because I am the one who is always here.
Now, who started all this?
Not me.
I'm just a victim,
who sometimes couldnt control herself from laughing inside when something that she predicted really happened.
That is my own problem though.
Whatever is happening, I could not change anything.
Why?
Obviously,
impatient.

*******************

The Person C:
- They are someone who, if it's in a class, they are the one who sits at the corner on the back.
- Because of that, they like to keep quiet.
No one knows what they think.
- Though they are a bit slow. They could not be sure of what will happen, (apparently it really happened to what was predicted).
They live to what is they planted.
If they think they are slow, stupid and dumb, that is what they believe they are.
So they didnt know how far of their dark characteristic is.
- They are most likely adaptable, regarding in heart. They can be hard as rock if they exposed to those 'rocks' too much. They can be fragile as glass if it's the time.
- They still dont know how dangerous the dark character is. Hopefully not a psycho-path.

"PATIENT IS EVERYTHING"