Confession?

How long did you think I was fighting this?
Trying hard to believe what they say; I'm bright
Trying hard to persuade into thinking myself as one.
Maybe I was, I don't know.
And because of that, I live my life happy-go-lucky at my early teenage years.

Though however I started to wonder myself during the second half of my teenage years.
Though however, I still was trying to confide myself as one,
until I found more bright people, and also the genius ones.
Though however, that was when I was in my final year.
It was too late.
And I gave up.

And there goes my result.

And there goes how I realized my stupidity.
I'm not sure if I really am,
however people around me make me think like that.
I was kept 'inside' for that,
I was told to lie,
I was told to be quiet,
I was told that I was a failure.

Do you know how much I was fighting my own self, other than from people around me?

Being rejected is like being stupid.
Being a second batch is like being stupid.
Being accepted from asking help is like being stupid.

I live myself in horror during my first sem,
really.
I was really, truly glad having new friends there, however.
This is true,
there is nothing more important in my memory during those days other than having them as my friends.

I got excited when it was time to change course.
It was like one of the events in my life when I wanted to do something without think of other people.
I did it myself,
although there was a friend who wanted to leave to,
and because of her, here I am.

I'm currently living happily,
alhamdulillah.
It's true, there are no courses that easy, every course has its own challenges.
But I can hardly see any difficulties to be compared to those horror days.

Well I do actually have more things to talk about
but I dont know how can this post becomes a confession post.
And the mood has already over because of the appearance of a friend from that time.
So let's talk about it again later when the time comes.
Sayonara

triple I.C.E

(Sorry, the title is the mission of the place I'm studying at)

There was this time when our uncle and his family came to our house to fix our dad's laptop
(though I think all the time they were talking non-stop).

I still hate and hurt.

That brat, I dont know what was her problem (seriously I thought I was going to kill her),
went missing once they came.
Her reason?
She still hasnt bath.
And whenever I checked on her, she still hasnt bath and whatever she was doing on her bed (actually playing her phone. I seriously wish*ing* someone to take it).
And until our guests went back, she still hasnt.
Then asked, "Did they went home?"
"Why do you even care when you never even think to see nor greet them?"

Of course, I was the only one doing all the things (sometimes mom came).
I really was in my bad mood the whole time,
I was so sorry to our aunt.

And one more?
She didnt even know the guests have arrived.
What did she do?
Sleeping (not) beauty.

So I (was told to) make them drinks.
And was told to make them cold.
So I used the ice cubes.

The ice cubes were conquered by her (because she was the only one frequently uses them).
So somehow or not, she is in-charge to refill it.
And then when the guests went back home, of course, she didnt even see them,
"Who the hell took the ice cubes and didnt refill them back?!"
I was seriously mad.
"Who asked you to sleep all day long and never think to see the guests?" (of course I'm a calm person)
"Well, what ever because anyone who takes them should refill them"
"Well what ever because you didnt know what happened because you were sleeping."
And of course, I'm not a person who likes to argue, unlike her
so whatever she was saying,
yeah,
what ever >_>

I'm mad.
and I'm hurt,
even though it is a story from (not long but) long time ago,
that no one even remember anymore.
But never mind, I'm too used to be forgotten.

What's with the people around me?
Acting so uncivilized.

CAUTION: New Labels

It might be my lifetime scar.
The result.

I dont really care about it.
Yeah, again, it's not really bad, I think,
because I expected it would be worse.

Then, ...
my brother contacted me,
asking was I okay.
Somehow I did irritate.
He doesnt even care how was I while walking 10m far in front,
never even care what I do,
and why are you asking now?
When I DONT EVEN FEELING NOT OKAY

So then he asked what would I want to continue.
I answered him, the 'thing' that was in my mind ever since my 14th.
What did he said then?
Something like "I dont think it's good for you."
And then he (+ other he) said to my parents "Most of THE people arent good. She could be like them."
Again, why do you even care??

And then,
she got involved.
Well, she is since a year before the result.
"That's not one course people want."
"You wouldnt go far with that."
"In our country it isnt good."
She was so happy that I got Science,
but not Nursing.
She persuaded me to change (even though I never planned to stay in Science).
And I changed.

Same thing happened.

Then again,
he (not the brother(s) )...
I dont remember having any situation,
but
*SORRY FOR HAVING THE TALENT TO READ PEOPLE*
I know he was just the same,
insincere whenever we talked about 'it'.

And there are others too.

I had my 4-years dream crushed.
I fed up having a dream no one ever approve.
I am emotionless whenever 'it' is mentioned in this topic.
Yeah, it is.
The Pagoh.
"Why dont you change to 'it' "
&%$#@&@$#%&$%@&#&

And there's this freaking grumpy kid.

"So somehow or not you had to and still have to accept that 

you have a friend who live the way her parents told to."